How to survive a robot uprising

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During an infiltration (or escape) you will need to pass unnoticed by robot surveillance. Most robots will be readily identifiable to each other through encrypted markers. How will you convince the robots that you are warm circuits wrapped in a thin candy shell?

PRETEND TO BE DAMAGED

A damaged robot may exhibit strange behavior while failing to transmit identification.

CHANGE YOUR HEAT SIGNATURE

Stuff aluminum foil in your pants. Rub your exposed skin with cool mud. Hang a hulking piece of gold metal around your neck and slip into an Adidas jumpsuit. Your heat signature will not match a healthy robot, nor will it match a healthy human being.

MAKE SOME NOISE

An occasional screeching beep or boop should suffice. Make it quick and strangled; this is no audition.

MOVE LIKE A ROBOT

Early robots exhibited a trademark clumsiness that spawned a dance called the robot. Contemporary robots are more dexterous - unless broken. Pretend you are either damaged machinery or a well-oiled break-dancing machine, and pop and lock your way into the heart of robot territory.

IF CONFRONTED KEEP MOVING AND DON'T LOOK BACK

You're just a poser, so ignore other robots and pretend to be completely oblivious to the environment. Keep your head down and shuffle forward with a steady, even pace. The fate of the entire human race may depend on it.

Hand to Hand:

If you find yourself in a brawl with a robot, your only hope is to escape. A robot foe won't trade insults and it can't be intimidated. You should fully expect a swift pincer-clamping attack without warning. Follow the rules of disengagement; every second you spend within arm's reach of a robot can take years off of your life - all of them.

DESTROY OR DISABLE EXPOSED SENSORS

Sensors are by far the most vulnerable, exposed parts of any robot. Destroy or disable outward-facing sensors such as cameras. A handful of dirt, mud, or water will suffice. It is hard for a robot to wipe mud from its eyes when it has whirring buzz saws for hands.

KEEP YOUR HAIR SHORT AND YOUR CLOTHES TIGHT

To consider the alternative, imagine getting your hair caught in the garbage disposal.

DON'T BOTHER WITH KARATE

Unless you can punch through sheet metal.

FIND A WEAPON

Your pathetic human hands are useless here. Choose a blunt or pointed instrument (serrated edges don't work against metal or durable plastic). Even a simple crowbar can save your life - you can run away while the robot condescendingly bends it into a pretzel shape.

KEEP YOUR DISTANCE

A humanoid robot can block (or throw) a punch about twice as fast as a human black belt can. In comparison, the typical inebriated human brawler doesn't have a fighting chance.

GET AWAY

Pretend that you just lit the fuse on a cheap Chinese firecracker the size of a dog house